Think of something in your life that you’ve wanted to accomplish but haven’t. Something deep down. Whether it’s because you haven’t gotten around to it, are too timid to go for it, or you took a shot and failed spectacularly. Conjure up in your mind that big failure of your life. Perhaps you’re in the middle of it now. It goes without saying, we all mess up big time.
That’s obvious. Of course, some of us are better at it than others, but that’s kind of obvious too. So far,throughout my life, I’ve often been asked what the biggest cause of failure was that I’ve come across.
Some people have relationship problems, some have money problems, others have anxiety issues, etc. But the biggest problems I’ve seen in many of these people were not specific to relationships, money, confidence or whatever. It’s easy to figure out how
to ask someone out, or how to start a business, or how to just do something even when you’re afraid.
Dealing with your fear of abandonment, or your toxic money habits, or your screwed up beliefs about what others think about you? That’s a tad more involved. Chances are, a profound struggle in one area of
your life will bleed over into other aspects of your life. The principles of failure are rarely prejudiced. The behaviors and thoughts that sabotage you in one area of your life will stalk you in other areas. That
reticence to ever ask someone out on a date
probably plays out in your failure to move to a new city, to take that new job, the timidity around your domineering co-workers, your passive-aggressive
relationships with your family members.
When confronted with life’s biggest opportunities, most of us shit the bed. And then we enact a number of strategies to avoid the pain and pressure inherent in reaching for our dreams. Below are 10 of
the most common strategies for reluctance I can think of. We’ll start at the shallow end and work our way to the deep end. Read it and weep.
1. YOU’RE AFRAID TO STAND OUT AMONG
THE CROWD
“Society everywhere is in conspiracy
against the self-reliance of every one of its
members.” People don’t like it when other people change or do something that makes them feel awkward or insecure. Pushing ourselves to reach our own greatness threatens the complacency of those
around us, shining a light on their own squashed dreams and failed potential. In many cases, these people lash out. It makes them question themselves, which is difficult for most to handle. I talked to a fellow internet entrepreneur last night.
He’s started multiple online ventures. Some have failed. Some have made money. All of it was struggle. He spent time traveling and returned home for the holidays, where his
father promptly told him that he needed to “be realistic” and get a “normal job.”
Simple fact of life: if you want to do something incredible, something that makes you stand out above the rest, then you have to become comfortable being
different from the rest. People will think you’re weird, crazy, selfish, arrogant, irresponsible, obnoxious, stupid, disrespectful, fat, insecure, ugly, shallow, etc. Those closest to you will often become
the harshest. If you have weak boundaries or are not confident with your own ideas and desires, then you’re not going to make it very far.
2. YOU’RE NOT PERSISTPERSISTENT ENOUGH
Most of us give up on something we’re passionate about too soon. And anyone who’s been successful has a tale of struggle and perseverance to share. As the cliche goes, nothing worth having comes easy.
3. YOU LACK HUMILITY
There are many people out there who accomplish a little bit and decide that they are an expert. Humility is knowing what you don’t know. Life requires humility. You can't put water in an already filled container but when the container is emptied,water can pass through. Most of us fail because of pride. "Who does he think he is"?? "How do you expect me to say HI to him"?? These little things can jeopardize your speed to greatness. Kill Pride and work in Love and humility.
4. YOU FAIL TO NETWORK AND BUILD
STRONG RELATIONSHIPS
Life is all about relationships and the right kind of relationship. What relationship have you created?? What kind of friends do you have in your Life??Your success lies in the hands of people. Like I always say,God cannot send down money from Heaven no matter how much you pray. He definitely will use people. But most of us just wants isolation. We have the right people around us but we fail to build relationship with them. I can easily give a million naira to my friend than to my neighbour . Why??? Relationship!!! Everywhere you go,strive to meet new people and create positive relationships with them. You don't know how much help they will be to you tomorrow.
5. YOU’D RATHER ARGUE AGAINST
ADVICE INSTEAD OF TAKING IT
Guaranteed express ticket to failing: trying to be right instead of good. I don’t care what it is, if you’re more invested in arguing your point of view against people who are trying to help you than you are in improving yourself, then you’ve effectively given up. And for all of your brainiac debating,
you’re still too stupid to see it. To succeed at anything, there’s a feedback loop that
must be in place: try something -> get feedback and results -> learn from feedback and results -> try something new . People who are dead set on arguing why what they already believed is right (despite not working) are effectively breaking the chain off and not accepting feedback. Therefore they will never change.
Not to say that everyone should always take advice from everybody, but you should accept feedback whether you believe it’s relevant or not, not try to argue your way into looking like you were right all
along. The people who suffer from this problem tend to be highly intelligent and extremely insecure. It’s a bad mix, because the more intelligent someone is, the
more they’re able to rationalize their own bullshit excuses to themselves, and the more their intellect is used as a defense mechanism to protect their fragile ego.
6. YOU’RE TOO DISTRACTED
Facebook newsfeed, Tweets,Whatsapp,Instagram,check email, Facebook again, back to Google +, oh a funny comic strip, post on Facebook, check
email again, message on Facebook, funny cat pictures, tweet funny cat pictures, look on instagram for more funny cat pictures, rinse and repeat. I apologize if I just described the majority of your waking life.
But the affliction of attention saturation disorder is not limited to useless social media interactions. The bad thing is not Social media or Facebook. The Bad thing is doing all of it and not achieving anything to your personal life. Personally, I do all that,more than most of you all but I have my time where I dedicate to thinking and working.
7. YOU DON’T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR
WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR LIFE
Also known as having-an-excuse-for-everything disorder. To fix the problems in your life you must have power over them. You can’t have power over aspects of your life unless you take responsibility for
them. Therefore if you don’t take responsibility for what happens to you, you fail. There are numerous situations in life which may seem completely unfair and insurmountable, there’s nothing you can do about it. I know it’s tempting to blame your problems on some external factor, to insist that it was impossible, that it wasn’t your fault, that you couldn’t have done anything to help it, you see. A proper explanation for failure is gross stupidity. Always take responsibility not only of the good things but also the negative parts.
8. YOU’RE AFRAID TO CARE
Many people catch the indifference bug. They lack a clear, true passion . They’re reluctant to invest themselves top-to-bottom into a venture, project or pursuit. Many of them give up quickly. Others just lose interest. Many lack the wherewithal to even
begin. Chronic indifference is an insidious defense mechanism. It undermines the drive and motivation required to overcome it. Unconsciously, many people are terrified to invest themselves into something
because investing themselves into it could potentially lead to failure and failure could potentially lead to a lot of thoughts their psyche is not yet prepared to face: questions about self-worth, competence, being worthy of love, etc.
Look, in my experience, people
crippled by indifference don’t overcome it until some other emotional issue in their life is uprooted, confronted and kicked out.
9. DEEP DOWN, YOU DON’T THINK YOU
DESERVE WHAT YOU WANT
Many (or most) of the bullet points above are actually top-layers for this underlying cause: believing you don’t deserve what you want. Many of us, at our core, have buried beliefs and feelings about ourselves that aren’t so savory. Maybe we were teased a lot growing up, or our parents and teachers
told us we wouldn’t amount to anything, or we were punished for being smart by our peers. Whatever happened, something happened. And something inside us makes us feel uncomfortable with the idea of
accomplishing too many great things as a result.
It’s another self-esteem conundrum: you always find a way to get rid of what you feel isn’t rightfully yours. The heights and burdens of success make some feel like a king and others like a fraud. For many, getting what they want summons that worm- tongued voice in the back of their mind, prodding their insecurities and fears until they find a way to destroy everything they worked for. It may be a relationship with the best person you’ve ever loved;
it may be a dream job you can’t bring yourself to take; it may be a creative opportunity of a lifetime which you ignore for more “practical” pursuits; it may be merely hanging out with people who you
actually admire and feeling like a ghost.
Whatever it is, the sludge pool of doubts bubbles up and finds a way, always finds a way, to ruin it for you — to make you ruin it for you — and that’s the hardest truth. It’s you. There is no other in this equation. And as much as you deny it, that fear will always linger and remain as an invisible barrier, a clear film separating you from happiness, pushed through and never broken. These issues can be overcome. But it’s painful and gut-wrenching. And
then there’s always just another layer, simmering further below, more fear, ever-present, something we all eventually face over and over and over again.
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