BE MY USHER!!!!

This was my third attempt at getting the attention of
this beautiful usher; I would have said fourth attempt
but I didn’t really make any attempt at getting her
attention on the first day I set my eyes on her. I
basically spent the first day admiring this beautiful
young lady. She met all the physical attributes I have
always admired in ladies and would want my woman to
have. The height is right, the body shape is one in town,
wonderfully and fearfully made, her complexion is simply
cherry on the cake, her, ermm, chest region must have
been the type that was painstakingly described in Songs
of Solomon. If you have read that passage of the bible,
you will have a clearer picture of what I am talking
about. Everything on her was screaming very loud at me
and I responded ”this is my beloved woman, I shall come
after you after service. Look at you, I know what you
are thinking already, ”is that what I go to church to
do?” No, that is not what I normally do in services but
since I told myself it’s time to settle down, my antenna
is super sensitive and alive and what other better place
to get a lady other than in a church. That’s me o. I
don’t know about others.
I was still making a mental calculation of how I was
going to approach her when she walked down to our side
of the aisle. Apparently, she had two aisles to serve and
control, ours was one of them. Before long, she started
distributing some flyers for a special event coming up
the following Sunday. I was sitting at the beginning of
our row, meaning that all things being equal, she was
most likely going to come to me with some of the flyers
so I could extend to other members sitting on the same
row with me. I was right, she approached me, smiled
and handed me a bunch of flyers. It was too sudden for
me, I hadn’t really made up my mind exactly what to
say to her when she arrived. I collected the flyers from
her and did the needful. She walked away from me and
moved further up. This usher really looked good. My eyes
were almost fixated at her as she walked up. ”I will not
let this slip through my fingers,” I assured myself.
After all, we have been accused in the past by the
pastor of not looking very well when we come to
church. He was addressing a recent trend in the church
where most guys go out to marry ladies from other
churches. Here I was, a bachelor, ready to start
something serious with any lady that meets some of the
qualities I was looking for. I hadn’t spoken nor
interacted with her but in terms of the physical
qualities, she looked like the path and I really wanted to
open up a conversation. However, the challenge was,
how do I really get the attention of this busy usher-
lady in a crowded congregation? Luckily for me, the
pastor hadn’t started the day’s sermon, there were
other regular church activities going on.
You won’t believe what I did next, I bowed my head
and said a quick prayer. ”God please send this lady down
to this side and please give the courage to make move
and the right word to say to her.” I wasn’t sure of
what I did, I don’t know if I should have called that a
prayer or my wish sounding very loud in church.
However, it wasn’t longer, the lady turned and started
walking down towards us. Typical of their duty, she was
scanning the the rows as she walked down as if she was
looking for something untoward or for someone who
would ask for her help. Well, I was in need of her help
but not the regular kind of help she had been trained to
offer to the congregation. As she got closer, I stuck
out my little finger; the finger wasn’t so high but it
was high enough to be seen or get her attention. She
acknowledged she had seen my finger with a nod and
then increased her pace towards me. ”What are you
doing, this man?” My mind quipped. There was no time
to answer my mind or to start contemplating what I
was doing, the deed had been done and the lady was
already on flight towards me. Before she got to my seat,
I quickly brought out my card and  scribbled a few
words at the back of the card. I was church, what
other better place to practice ”seek and you shall
find”? ”Hi lovely lady, can I see you briefly immediately
after service?” That was what I scribbled at the back
of the card. Again, luckily for me, the flyers were in
excess and the remainder had been returned to me, so I
was supposed to hand them over to the usher. I quickly
placed my card on top of the flyers before she got to
my seat. As she bent to collect the flyers from me, I
requested to whisper something to her. She bent her
ears towards me, ”I have scribbled something at the
back of my card. Thank you.” She did not utter a word,
she collected the flyers and the card from me and
walked away.
Some minutes later when the congregation was dancing
to the medley of praises from the lead singer, the usher
walked back and handed the card I had given her
earlier on to me with a smile. I couldn’t tell what the
smile was for. I also couldn’t read what she had
scribbled immediately, there was a woman on our row
who I think knew what was going already. I looked at
her direction only for me to catch her looking at me. I
waited until praise time was over to look at the card.
”Walk in the spirit and you will not fulfill the
lust of the flesh,” she had replied. What a response!
I wasn’t walking in the flesh. These church people
know how to use bible passages to hit one hard sha.
When the service ended, the usher had disappeared
from her position. I went home not totally disappointed,
at least I had broken inertia.